Becoming A Researcher: Lesson 1 – Overcoming Diffidence
Over the last few months, I have been in the process of “learning” how to become a researcher. It has been a fulfilling sojourn so far; I am excited for where it can go. As I prepare for Western Political Science Association conference in April, I have been reflecting back on the the journey thus far and I was able to identify three lessons I have learned so far on my road to becoming a researcher. Each of the lessons was revealed during three different “era’s” of the last few months: Diffidence, Bewilderment, and Resolve.
I am a proud member of the Interdisciplinary Research Learning Community (IRLC) this semester, and I am working on an independent research project for the first time. The IRLC brings together 17 undergraduate research students to promote interdisciplinary approaches to research questions, and to encourage interest in undergraduate research. It is an amazing opportunity, and I am glad to have had this chance.
When I first submitted my application to become a part of the IRLC, I had this grand imagination that I had just applied to a super elite team of researchers armed with the resources to change the world. I had visions of people working on projects that my brain was likely not even capable of imagining. I thought of a group of people who had an overflow of innovative and learned ideas that would rival Newton, and oratory skills that would bring Cicero to his feet. I thought they would all have years of determination and passion built up, and that I would be the quiet, shy newcomer – not really sure what to do. Slowly, the seeds of Diffidence began creeping into my psyche.
Not long after, I received an email from my mentor saying “Congratulations! You have been selected…” and I was elated! Riding high off of my recent (and first!) academic presentation on “Localized Politics Through the Eyes of Representative Bizz Johnson” at the Southern California Conference for Undergraduate Research (SCCUR), I jumped at the opportunity to accept my appointment to the community and dive into the world of undergrad research. How much harder could working on an independent research project be? I could totally do it! I was going to metaphorically “blow everyone’s mind.”
…And then winter break happened. No, nothing overly terrible happened during the break – it just allowed time for Diffidence to begin decorating its new apartment in my psyche. My research project had ended with the semester; I wasn’t working on anything or preparing for anything – I didn’t have anymore innovative and learned ideas to share! My mind started to increasingly churn: “What will I be doing in this new community?” “These super elite researchers are all going to be talking about their amazing research, and I am going to end up sitting there with a blank stare.” “Do I really have what it takes to be in this group?” “Are my thoughts and ideas good enough?” “Am I good enough?”
Before the first meeting of the IRLC, I had a met for the first time with one of my professor’s who also happens to be one half of the duo overseeing the IRLC. *Quick aside here: I generally tend to leave decent first impressions on people – this was not one of those times, nor was it the last, unfortunately. Let’s just say, I have learned quite a bit from this professor in our one-on-one discussions on first impressions (and second, and third…).* During our meeting, I was asked for the first time the question that I have since come to equate with panic and fear – “So, what’s your research?”
My response: “Uh, I am not quite sure.”
Diffidence had finally found his home. “Why don’t you know what you’re researching, Cordell?” “Where are your ideas to offer, Cordell?” “How can you prove yourself if you don’t even know what you are doing, Cordell?” For the first time, I had been confronted with the possibility that my fears of not being good enough had merit. The first meeting of the IRLC, I walked into the room and realized my imaginations of the super elite researchers, filled with innovative and learned ideas, for the first time. We were broken off into specialized pods that illustrated the interdisciplinary initiatives in the course design. I introduced myself to my pod and we all got to chattering about ourselves. I discovered that all of my imaginations and visions for what this community would be were accurate – I was surrounded by super elite researchers with innovative and learned ideas. I had been grouped with a nurse specializing in vulnerable populations, an educator specializing in bilingual education development, and an atmospheric chemist studying the rise in mercury levels in the seafood population.
Wow.
To say I felt out of my league was an understatement. Thankfully, I only had a few moments to introduce myself as a “political economist” and didn’t really have to get into my “research” before our conversation had been cut. We were informed that our specialized pod of super elite researchers had been enlisted in the Marshmallow Competition: build the highest freestanding structure using spaghetti noodles, tape, and marshmallows – in 18 minutes. In the first five to ten minutes of the competition, I had taken a back seat. Diffidence told me that I had no valid ideas to offer the group in accomplishing our goals, and that I should just follow their lead. I kept doubting myself, so I remained quiet and followed instructions. I decided to quickly scope out our competition and I was shocked – they were beating us! My mind began racing on how this could be possible – because, of course, our specialized pod of super elite researchers is the best specialized pod of super elite researchers. Suddenly, it hit me – I realized that by being quiet and just following instructions, I had handicapped our team! The green giant that is Competition overcame Diffidence and I decided to take a leap of faith, open up my mouth, formulate words, and offer my ideas to the group. Shockingly, they were well received. Working together and utilizing all of our unique perspectives, we were able to build a structure that tied for first place, and might have given some Kindergartners some real competition!
After our first meeting, I found myself thinking back on that experience – all I had to do was think and then share. It suddenly seemed so simple: different people with unique perspectives and diverse backgrounds can band together to solve a problem and achieve a desirable outcome – what a novel concept! Competition, mixed with this enlightenment, made me realize that there was no legitimate reason I was not qualified to continue on in this band of super elite researchers. I wasn’t good enough yet, but I was determined to prove my worth.
My first lesson had been learned: don’t allow fear to overshadow your talent, use it to expand your talent into unknown territories. Diffidence no longer paralyzed me, it fueled me. It was time for me to embark on the path to finding a concrete research question and earn my place among the super elite researchers, with innovative and learned ideas, who have come to be known as: The SURFer’s.
Little did I know that this path would lead to the era of Bewilderment…
(Becoming A Researcher Series: Part 1 of 3)
