Blog #3: A Letter to the “Mother” I Once Knew

 

To the mother I once knew,

Thank-you for teaching me everything I know and then teaching me how to live without you. Mother-daughter relationships are meant to last a lifetime you said, but you have shown me that is a lie. It has been almost a year since you abandoned and disowned me, and I am proud to say that I have grown more this past year than in my entire life.

As a child you picked me up when I fell and cleaned my cuts, but now as I have grown older, you are the one who makes those cuts. You always told me that you would love me forever and that God would too. Mom you told me to love everyone and to accept everyone as they are, so then why can you not love your daughter as she is? You told me that every person is God’s creation and that he loves them all, so why do you tell me I am going to burn in Hell?

Mother, we both worked so hard through my high school years to get me to college and now you do not want any part of my accomplishments. You missed my high school graduation, my college orientation, move-in day, and every college experience I have had because of vengeance. Will it take you until my college graduation or medical school graduation to let go?

I am tired mother; I am so tired of having this continuous fight with you. I thought we had an understanding between us after all of those countless talks and bonding dates. I am so tired of getting rejected by you and having to beg you for love and attention, I am emotionally drained. Did you not get enough payback when you dropped all of my belongings in front of the school for everyone to see? You have deprived me of a family and then you wonder why I do not continue to reach out to you.

You have taught me to guard myself so much and to never depend on another person like I depended on you because they can leave you in an instant. At times it is even hard to be with the person I love because you have instilled the doubt of people abandoning me on a dime.

It is sad to think that I am not as positive and carefree as I used to be, for all the turmoil you have dragged me through mother. You made it so I had no one but you, I was forever locked in a cage, imprisoned by the mistrust you bestowed upon me. And when you shut me out and left me, I had no one to turn to, I looked for ways out of my situation like going to place not of here. You made me want to take my life because in that moment I felt that no one wanted me and that no one would miss me. Mother you were wrong for doing that to me, but I know you cannot help your selfish personality.

I am sorry that I could not be the person you wanted me to be mother, but I love who I love and I cannot help it.

 

Sincerely,

Your daughter Kayla Ann