Death and Dying
End of life care is something that I think all people feel uncomfortable talking about, but when in reality we shouldn’t because ultimately we were born to die. Although I have never talked to my family about what I want, sometimes I will leave little hints, as I think most of us do to avoid that uncomfortable discussion. First off what do I want? When thinking about this question, I always think about how I would rather have my family let me go, then sit and wait for a miracle that most likely will never occur. To me, someone who is on a ventilator, not responding, with minimal brain activity has already left this earth… Their soul has already gone and the family is just left with a body that is being controlled by machines so the physical part may remain alive. The family member is not there. If I am ever that person in the bed I would want my family to take me off all of the machines so they and myself could be set free. I would never want my family’s life to be like that, not only is it not fair to them, but it is not fair to me.
My family is very respectful in regards to family members wishes. I think we learned a lot about death and dying when my dad was in and out of UCLA waiting for a liver transplant due to him being diagnosed with unknown liver disease. At the end of his life he too was in the ICU fighting for his life until his pancreas failed and eventually died peacefully off of all machines… The best person in my family to make this decision I believe is my sister, Emily. She too is becoming a nurse and is one of the toughest people I know. I feel confident that she would make the right decision for me if I were to ever end up in a vegetative state. I wouldn’t give this job to my mom or brother because I wouldn’t want to place that decision on them. I am not saying they are wimps or softies; I just feel like my sister would carry out my wishes/ remind them of what exactly I wanted and make sure that everything necessary was done. In addition she will also have the medical knowledge behind her.
When finally sitting down with my family we discussed all end of life issues. The majority of them expressed similar ideas to mine, being that they too would want to be taken off the machines. My mom and step dad said that they would not want to burden us with sick parents. My mom said none of her kids should ever be put through that kind of reality or life. She said when it is time, let me go. I know in my heart that no matter what whenever it is my families time to go they will be watching over me. I have had experiences where I feel and know my biological dad is with me… I can’t explain it, but it is just a feeling of being protected and loved. I am confident that I can carry out my family’s wishes if ever something terrible happens to them. And I am confident that they too could respect my wishes in event that I ever end up in a vegetative state. Death is something that we should not fear, but a reminder that we must enjoy our life here because we never know when that time might come. I am glad that I have thought about this end of life topic and I will most likely print this post and give it to my family member and best friend, Cheyenne.
XOXO Stephanie
