End of Life Care

This is a very interesting topic and one that I have actually discussed at length with many members of my family. I have strong feelings about the kind of care I would want in such a situation. I usually feel like my family would know what I would want, but sometimes I worry that maybe they wouldn’t be able to follow through on withdrawing care. My grandmother died last June, and there were a lot of end of life care decisions to make. One day she was fine, still running her own household in the same home she’d lived in for over sixty years, driving around town doing her own errands, taking long walks each day, and cooking large meals for guests. Three days later she was diagnosed with terminal gallbladder cancer, couldn’t eat or drink anything at all and had three months to live. She was blessed in the sense that she was completely lucid and competent when she received her diagnosis. She decided to decline the IV fluids and feeding tube that would have been necessary to live out those three months. She returned home and family descended from all over the country to support her in her final days as she slowly dehydrated to death. I have a large family, certain members of which can be pretty feisty, and there were a lot of strong opinions in the air as this process ran its course. There were those that wished my grandma would have accepted more treatment so that we could have more time with her. One aunt offered several times to consistently give more morphine than prescribed to speed the process up, because that what she would have wanted for herself. I think often times it is difficult to separate what they would want for themselves from what a loved one wants. The experience certainly gave me insight into how complicated the family dynamics can become in these situations. It also made even clearer to me that even loved ones who have your best interest at heart don’t always know what you want. If my grandmother had not been cognizant enough to make her own decision, I can only imagine the tumult that would have ensued as the family fractured and argued about what care she would have wanted. I have made it clear on many occasions to various family members what kind of care I would want, but in reflecting on it now, I wonder if they would know how to apply my requests in the face of a complicated medical situation. Completing a living will has been on my to do list for quite a while now, but I recently set myself a deadline to have it completed and reviewed by the end of the year. I am going to name my partner as my power of attorney; our seven years together have given me confidence that he would know what I wanted. I think some people feel that having these kinds of conversations may tempt fate, or that it is too slim of a chance that anything will happen to warrant giving it thought. However, I believe strongly in having all your bases covered, especially for something that affects you as much as your own death.