How have you become the reader and writer you are today ?
The overwhelming feeling of excitement and nervousness was completely consuming me, I sat quietly waiting in desperate hope of seeing a familiar face, nothing yet however was early. I look forward and there she is, an amazingly tall woman, thin, brittle, short blonde hair, and a serious face with a slight hint of excitement dwelling within it. our eyes meet and I smile an awkward smile, she smiles back but her smile is telling me that I’m in for a hell of an year. I’m not exactly sure how I feel, I suppose i’m slightly intimidated. I finally see two familiar faces my two friends and we sit together, as class commences I see everyone is feeling intimidates as well. Who knew AP language and composition would be so frightening, perhaps it was the teachers introduction to the course, were she stated that all those who think they can write realize they actually can not when they take her class, however she did reassure us that once the course was over we would be more developed writers due to the amount of work we were going to have and the high demands she had for it. She was absolutely correct.
It was our first writing assignment, I believe we had to read Kate Chopin’s “The awakening” and do an analytical essay were you simply had to analyze the novel in regards to theme, foreshadowing, character analysis, symbolism…etc. So there I was orchestrating my outline. Then I really dove in and began analyzing the novel, dissecting and utilizing what fascinated me into my paper. I loved the novel, I believe I was the only. I recall my classmates saying it was extremely boring and a few even said they did not bother reading it and simply got their information of cliff notes because of how dull the read was. Nevertheless I kept reading, completely enthralled by the novel, I began to really comprehend the protagonist Edna Pontellier and her actions. The protagonist Edna was an absolute symbol of freedom and independence to me, her entire character was so audacious, it intrigued me. It was a Very feminist novel, which is why I think I loved it so much, not only did it illustrate the overwhelming amount of social oppression women faced in the late nineteenth century along with the dreadful gender roles expected from women, but it illustrated a brave young women who attempted to break away from all the oppression and become independent. The resemblance of the novel to my absolute favorite novel being Oscar Wilde’s “The picture of Dorian Gray ” is what ultimately captivated me about the novel although Wilde’s novel touched more on hedonism and Chopin’s more on feminism.
I recall sitting in my desk at home and reading Chopin with Wilde’s novel right beside me as I took in every word of the novel with such a fascination that time even seized to exist for the moment. I felt confident about my Essay and even began to read Wilde’s “the Picture of Dorian Gray” for the third time to compare the themes of freedom they bot shared in regards to being what one wants to be opposed to what society demands. Nonetheless, noting the compelling nature of the two novels I further compared their resolutions that inevitably led to death or the refutable conclusion of suicide in the novels. It was an intriguing assignment, however I would soon learn I was missing something.
As I wrote my essay I focused primarily on the social norms in the late nineteenth century and Edna’s action that were deemed degrading in that era. I also focused on Chopin’s diction, her eloquence, symbolism, and foreshadowing. The due date was approaching, I could not think of anything besides my paper, I was beyond excited to turn in my paper. It reminds me a lot of the article “writing to remember and reflect” by Toby Fulwiler were he states that as students we all want to give our teachers our paper and hear them say the magical and esteemed words that it was really good because we’ve put so much of ourselves into it. Dwelling on his statement now I don’t think I’ve read anything more relate able to that in my life. It’s like what Basil Hallward said when Lord Henry Wotton asked why he so fervently refuses to exhibit his portrait of Dorian Gray at the Grosvenor, ” I really can’t exhibit it. I have put too much of myself into it.” those statements were my precise thoughts and feelings at the time and they were consuming me entirely.
The due date finally arrived, it all seemed so swift like sleeping for ten minutes and later awakening to an infectious feeling of rejuvenation taking over and providing waves of energy and life. I walked to class and spoke to a few of my fellow peers before entering the classroom, they were also excited to see what the teacher had to say. We walked and in unison my peers and I reached into our backpacks and pulled out our papers then stifling to the tray laying our papers one after the other. The teacher was very short on the topic that day all she said was that she would try to have them all done and graded by next week and after that once we received our papers we would commence revisions.
It was Friday afternoon and the winter was crisp and paralyzing, we all shuffled around outside the classroom until she came to open the door. The warmth of the classroom impacted us all like a wave on the rocks, it was heaven. We all quickly sat, she immediately began walking around handing out the papers, however I noticed she was handing them all face down. I felt slightly uneasy upon this discovery, but she finally came and put my paper down on my desk, face down. I took it and to my utter surprise it was covered in red pen markings.
Looking at all the red pen markings was overwhelmingly difficult. I did not read anything they said I simply put my paper away and began to observe. Many of my fellow peers were distraught at the sight of the white and now suddenly red papers. Others were spilling with anger and frustration. The rest I would say were puzzled and very absorbed by their papers taking their time and analyzing their feedback with a look of disbelief in their face. It was after school and I was standing in line to buy football tickets for that night, the line was long so I decided to take a look at the paper and began reading the comments. My paper consisted of various “stupid” “awkward” and simply crossed out sentences and paragraphs with “?” on it. I could not stop looking at the “stupid” comment written on my paper. I guess she was correct when she said that we thought we knew how to write but in reality did not. I was suddenly filled with encouragement, I realized I was able to comprehend the assignments, I was just not able to translate my knowledge on paper. I suppose that disability at the time is something I shared with Malcolm X as he states that he “became increasingly frustrated at not being able to express what I wanted to convey in letters” in “learning to read.”
Filled with encouragement and determination to improve I began listening intently to her lectures, asked questions, stayed up late at night making sure my work was as perfect as I could make it, and I even spoke to my peers to help one another out. We acknowledged our literacy was not at the level she was demanding it to be at and with only the options of improving and propelling forward or dropping the class, we pushed forward. Acquiring the level of literacy needed to be successful in the class and in the future was a tedious and complex task that I struggled in. However it was that precise paper and her audacious comments that unveiled my impediment and allowed me to pin point what needed work to improve it.
Mid year we were all meeting her demands and the class became more of a competition rather than a challenge. It was truly a great experience. Despite the early feelings of inferiority due to her methods of “constructive criticism,” it’s honestly what infected everyone with a wild determination to overcome that class. I will never forget that paper and my teacher, i am thankful for the experience especially because I was later able to pass the AP test and get into another AP class. It was all very similar to Deborah Brandt’s “sponsors of literacy” were like Lowery the demands of literacy being set were foreign to me. However I was able to overcome this and progress in my reading and ultimately in my writing.
Wilde, Oscar. The picture of Dorian Gray. New York: Barnes & Noble books, 2003. print.
Fulwiler, Toby. College writing: a personal approach to academic writing, 3rd ed. Portsmouth, NH : Boynton/Cook Publishers, Inc. 2002.
Malcolm X. “Learning to read and Write.”The Autobiography of Malcolm x. New York: Random House, 1964. Web. 29 May 2015.
Brandt, Deborah. “Sponsors of Literacy.” College Composition and Communication. 49.2 (1998): 165-185. Jstor. Web. 29 May 2015.
