End of life

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DEATH

I grew up in a very traditional Mexican family having a difficult time acculturating to the American values and lifestyle. In America, it seems almost customary to have a living willor an advanced directive completed before a loved one is at their life’s end, however in Mexico, this is not necessarily the case. The family (i.e. husband, children, etc.) routinely make the difficult decisions about end of life care because death and dying are not normally discussed within families. In Mexico we celebrate el Dia de los Muertos (Day of the Dead), a day that honors the dead with festivities, lively celebrations, food, drinks, and activities that the deceased enjoyed, however this remembrance only focuses on the deceased and does not consider those who are at their life’s end. In our family, we never brought up death and dying. My mother was very adamant against having this conversation even when her parents were very sick.

Because of this resistance, I had never stopped and thought about what I want for my own end of life care until I started nursing school. As I become more knowledgeable about the death and dying process though theory and clinical experience, I know I do not what to be in a situation where machines, tubes, and wires are prolonging my life if the life I would have with these interventions is not worth living (quality of life is poor). In clinical I see this dilemma time and time again where the family is not ready to let their loved one pass. They continue to prolong life when there is no hope or possibility of ever recovering. I feel that this selfishness only adds to the pain/suffering, hospital cost, delays the grieving process making it much harder to let go. I think my younger sister would be the person that would be able to make the hard decisions for me. My family is very supportive but they all would have a hard time letting go.

I sat with my family over the weekend to discuss these issues and they were not very receptive as expected however opened up as I provided them with more knowledge. I think my best approach was to give examples and possible consequences for end of life care. Although my mother thought it was grim even talking about it she expressed that she dis not want to be suffering or have her life prolonged by artificial means if they have a poor quality of life to live. Poor quality of life to her meant she would be in a vegetative state not able to participate in daily activities. My mother agreed that my sisters would have a hard time making life choices and though my youngest sister and I would be able to make them for her. My eldest sister on the other hand was not very receptive. She thought that there was no need to talk about death and dying. I tried the same approach as I did with my mother, but she would not discuss the topic further. I think she needs time to process the information before approaching her. I was glad she listen to me to some extend because I can see that it made her think about it.

Pull the Plug

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Having discussions about end of life and the type of care that we want is extremely important. When I was in 8th grade my grandma suddenly suffered a brain aneurysm. She survived her trip to the hospital but was intubated and on mechanical breathing with a poor prognosis. It was her wishes if it looked like she would to not remain like this if there was only minimal or no chances of her ever getting off life assisting devices. All of my family was there when stopped everything and she passed. While still devastated, at this age I could understand that this was what my grandma had wanted.

At the same time my mother talked to my sister and me and said she wanted the same thing. My mom said she never wanted to be hooked up to machines, to stay that way and never get off. And she has been open about her wishes ever since this time. She has since made me her medical power of attorney. I think this has helped me to be open about my desires as well. I have shared these desires, which are the same as my mom’s and my grandma’s, with my fiancée. And I had to ask him if he could pull the plug. He certainly did not like the topic and did not want to talk about it at first. However, I told him you never know what’s going to happen in life and it is best to always be prepared then to make someone suffer something they do not want. I told him what happened to my grandma and how she was the epitome of health, always busy always running around. And then so suddenly on life support. He finally said that he would pull the plugs if he had to. When prompted for his wishes in the same situation, he wanted the same as me. I think it is very important to discuss and be open with your family and loved ones about the end of life.

Semester Project Update

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My data collection is running a little far into April, but it is all really dependent on the planting season in the agricultural fields. I have already seen some evidence of upstream agricultural activity impacting the amount of trash, even in a dry channel. Hopefully this weekend or the next will be the last time I go out to monitor the channels. Looking forward to seeing some changes.

Presentation

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Been working are this piece all day. It’s coming along great. Listening to Irvin Mayfield and working on my project is a great combination!!! 

 

Farewell Dolphins, Fight on Trojans!

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So I guess the name of my blog is pretty appropriate; shift happens. This is definitely not a blog announcement I thought would happen after completing only three months in a new job. I’m nearing my ninth anniversary (June 6) at CSU Channel Islands, a place that has become a second home to me. But I will not reach a tenth anniversary.

I am beyond thrilled to share that I have accepted a position as Assistant Professor of Clinical Education in the Rossier School of Education at the University of Southern California (USC).  In this position (that starts July 1, 2015), I will teach master’s students pursuing a career in student affairs and doctoral students pursuing leadership roles in education.

Teaching has always been my passion (inside and outside of the classroom); inspiring others to achieve their dreams remains my catalyst.  I have a fire within to change our educational system into one that supports the success of all children equally, and I can’t imagine a better way to direct this fire than to prepare future leaders. Even in the most difficult teaching situations, with the most disgruntled individuals, I leave the conversation knowing that I love what I do (I read this blog post today that resonated with this change).   I’ve lost sleep over this position, not because I was worried about getting it (since I enjoy my current role and LOVE my team), but because I feel so excited about the opportunity.   I am so impressed with the purposeful planning and execution of the programs in Rossier that are infused with innovation, the care taken to set faculty up for success, and the commitment to making an impact in urban settings.

This excitement does not come with some sadness.  I applied for this teaching position last September, before I started my new role as an Instructional Technologist; otherwise, I would not have been job searching since I have been enjoying my job.  I am sad to leave this impressive team that has been so welcoming.  I am sad to leave a University that has been my home for nine years, but I am thankful for the opportunities CI provided me. It is in large part BECAUSE of CI that I feel prepared for this position. I have had the chance to create, reimagine, and redesign programs across campus.  CI created an environment that has fostered my innovative nature and commitment to excellence.  I have worked with/in three different Divisions at the University: Student Affairs, Academic Affairs and Technology & Communication. In Student Affairs, I worked with Student Leadership Programs, Assessment and Strategic Operations, New Student Orientation, Campus Recreation, and Career Development Service and served as a Judicial Officer and Student Government Advisor. In Academic Affairs, I taught in the Communication Program, University Experience Program, Liberal Studies Program and served as a co-creator of the higher education emphasis in the Masters of Arts in Educational Leadership. I was also a member of the Collaborative Online Doctorate in Educational Leadership committee. In Technology and Communication (with the Teaching & Learning Innovations Team), I have been fortunate to lead the Blended Learning Preparation Program for Faculty and helped to initiate CI Keys, a project that facilitates open connected education and is at the forefront of innovation.

Needless to say, I have given a lot TO CI and I have gained a lot FROM CI.  But my biggest gain isn’t about a list of programs or duties, it is from the students whose lives I have impacted (and who impacted mine) and colleagues who have continuously helped me be a better professional and person.  Although it is somewhat bittersweet, I think it is time for me to spread my wings. As a first-generation college student, CI instilled the confidence in me to pursue my dreams.

I feel like I have left my footprints at CI and

I KNOW CI has left footprints on my life.

footprints-dana-edmunds

Thank you to each and everyone of you at CI for your support, and thank you to USC for the opportunity.

Farewell Dolphins and Fight On Trojans!!

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Cycle of Socialization

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6 Identities

  • Male
  • Heterosexual
  • College student
  • Hispanic
  • White skin

The identity I would like to describe through the cycle of socialization is my white skin. In the beginning I was the only one out of all my siblings with white skin and they use to make fun of me. I used to get called names like “polar bear”, being as young as I was I would cry. Because they use to make fun of me I would wish I had brown skin like them. However, I was always a mamas boy and my mom had the same complexion as me. My mom made me comfortable with my complexion this was my first socialization. From kindergarten all the way up to college people always ask me “what am I” this question has always followed me because of my complexion. I know what I am and I don’t mind telling people, I’ve grown to be more comfortable. Recently in this institution stage I’ve been reading about white privilege in school and it talks about those with white skin been privilege. It has broadened my perception although I felt like I’ve never had that privilege. As a result I’ve learned to be more opened minded and recognize these things.

Death and Dying

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Unknown

End of life care is something that I think all people feel uncomfortable talking about, but when in reality we shouldn’t because ultimately we were born to die. Although I have never talked to my family about what I want, sometimes I will leave little hints, as I think most of us do to avoid that uncomfortable discussion. First off what do I want? When thinking about this question, I always think about how I would rather have my family let me go, then sit and wait for a miracle that most likely will never occur. To me, someone who is on a ventilator, not responding, with minimal brain activity has already left this earth… Their soul has already gone and the family is just left with a body that is being controlled by machines so the physical part may remain alive. The family member is not there. If I am ever that person in the bed I would want my family to take me off all of the machines so they and myself could be set free. I would never want my family’s life to be like that, not only is it not fair to them, but it is not fair to me.

My family is very respectful in regards to family members wishes. I think we learned a lot about death and dying when my dad was in and out of UCLA waiting for a liver transplant due to him being diagnosed with unknown liver disease. At the end of his life he too was in the ICU fighting for his life until his pancreas failed and eventually died peacefully off of all machines… The best person in my family to make this decision I believe is my sister, Emily. She too is becoming a nurse and is one of the toughest people I know. I feel confident that she would make the right decision for me if I were to ever end up in a vegetative state. I wouldn’t give this job to my mom or brother because I wouldn’t want to place that decision on them. I am not saying they are wimps or softies; I just feel like my sister would carry out my wishes/ remind them of what exactly I wanted and make sure that everything necessary was done. In addition she will also have the medical knowledge behind her.

When finally sitting down with my family we discussed all end of life issues. The majority of them expressed similar ideas to mine, being that they too would want to be taken off the machines. My mom and step dad said that they would not want to burden us with sick parents. My mom said none of her kids should ever be put through that kind of reality or life. She said when it is time, let me go. I know in my heart that no matter what whenever it is my families time to go they will be watching over me. I have had experiences where I feel and know my biological dad is with me… I can’t explain it, but it is just a feeling of being protected and loved. I am confident that I can carry out my family’s wishes if ever something terrible happens to them. And I am confident that they too could respect my wishes in event that I ever end up in a vegetative state. Death is something that we should not fear, but a reminder that we must enjoy our life here because we never know when that time might come. I am glad that I have thought about this end of life topic and I will most likely print this post and give it to my family member and best friend, Cheyenne.

 

XOXO Stephanie

Discovering the Layers of One’s Identity

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After thinking about all the roles I undertake on a daily basis, I have come to the conclusion that the six identities that truly identify who I am are the following:

  1. A student attending California State University Channel Islands
  2. A female living in Southern California
  3. A Latina living in Southern California
  4. A daughter to my parents
  5. A sister to my brothers
  6. A DREAMer

Of these identities, I am going to trace my Female Identity through the Cycle of Socialization.

  • The Beginning – If you are born female, you are instantly seen as the minority of the two genders because we are born into a male-dominated world. So when I was born, without my choosing, I was already at a disadvantage in the world being that I was born a female and not a male.
  • First Socialization – Before I was even out of the womb, my parents were already buying baby items in different shades of pink and purple. For some reason, those are the colors associated with being female. Once I was born, I was instantly taught by my mom and dad what was considered “correct” for a lady to do versus what was correct for a boy to do. I was taught that it was okay to love makeup and dolls; to play in a play kitchen and braid hair. I was scolded when I didn’t cross my legs or when I came home from school with disheveled hair – those attributes are for boys to portray, not young ladys.
  • Institutional and Cultural Socialization – The image of what a women “should be” is constantly showcased on television, radio stations, children’s toys, books, etc. By watching, hearing, or reading such mediums, I came to the understanding that women are most comfortable at home. We must be able to cook and clean; and when the time is right, become a doting and loving mother. Women should also be a supportive and loving wife to her husband. Such images are constantly being thrown at young girls as they grow; these ideas subconsciously become imbedded into their brain. I know this was true for me.
  • Enforcements – When women do not follow these social and cultural norms, we are seen as outcasts from the dominant society. Women who engage in male activities are at times ridiculed for not acting like a lady. For example, when I was younger (being that I come from a male-dominated household) I always wanted to play with the boys at recess whether it be soccer, tag, handball, etc. The other girls at my elementary school would tease me for doing so, making me feel embarrassed for wanting to play those activities – activities that “ladys” are not suppose to engage in.
  • Results – By growing up with such male-dominated ideas, the female mind become very colonized and accepting of those views. After a while you stop questioning why and instinctively follow the male-written, female path of life. I am guilty of doing this. An easy example of this is the idea of marriage. I personally hope to someday get married and become a wife. But why is it that women are taught to think in such a way while boys are not? Why are we taught that marriage is an accomplishment we want to achieve?
  • Direction for Change/Action – For such a cycle to be broken, one must be willing to question the system and become educated. For myself, I have taken a number of Chicano Studies classes where the topic of focus is the role of women in society and what can be done to combat female stereotypes. These classes are perfect for me because not only am I a female, but I am a female who is Latina! I have gained a lot of knowledge and understanding throughout my different classes, allowing me to become socially aware of my treatment and allowing me to educate others on the topic.

Socialization

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Some identities that I identity myself with are:

  • Daughter
  • Friend
  • Sister
  • Student
  • Volunteer
  • Aunt

The identity I choose is being a college student. Although I was born into this world with no biases, or consciousness, since I was a little girl, my parents told me constantly that I will always go to college. Once I was a little older I got Socialized, around 13-14, one of my teachers recommended me for the AVID program and I got accepted, in which I was placed with students that had the same goals I did. By being in this program I got reinforced many times the thought of me going to college is possible, This all resulted in me really thinking that no matter what I was going to go to college. Although I moved from Palmdale, which did have AVID, to the San Fernando Valley, which did not have AVID, I made the action of looking for other programs that were going to help me get to college, I seeked out and found the Upward Bound Program.  I make this all sound like my journey to college was a breeze, but, i did has personal obstacles I had to deal with while trying to balance my academics. But, ultimately I can really say that it was because of both my AVID family and Upward Bound family that I am now in college, I cannot imagine going through taking the correct course, entrance exams, researching different institutions and filling out financial aid with out them.

The Different Parts Of Me

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We are a product of our environment. Wether we accept our environment or reject and counter our environment is a decision we must make. This is how identities are formed. Though the phrase “wears many hats” is usually aimed towards someone who has different roles and or completes different tasks, I’d like to use that phrase to describe our identity and the identities that form them. Though the card I carry in my wallet is referred to as my identification card, in actuality it says very little to nothing about me. Though, for practical purposes such as identifying my physical appearance and confirming my residence it does a good job. While it identifies me as a male and from physical appearance a Latino it does not identify the multiple identities that make up my identity. It, for example, does not identify me as a student, sports fan, binge reader, politics enthusiast, or an atheist. Though all of these listed identities are products of the cycle of socialization, I’d like to mainly focus on the identity of being an atheist.

As mentioned earlier we have a choice to be a product of our environment or reject it and become a different product and in my example I reject my environment. In the first stage of socialization I became socialized through my parents and family to believe in a higher power and attend mass on Sundays. Being told this by an authoritative figured I accepted it and didn’t question it. This was enforced in the second stage of socialization known as institution and cultural socialization. My family attended church and everyone else I seemed to know belonged to some sort of religious denomination. However the inconsistency of the things I was being taught resulted in change and caused me to become an atheist.